Yeah, I can believe that you’ll take my mony
you are suffereing with any disease. Are not working one your body. Because you are discourage. Lets come to me and get and get healthy. Medicines were cure of your disease we will take mony or gift from you. The se are the diseases we are cured.
Gas trick, stomach pain, acidity, ulcer, urine unable to come, stones are stored in the kidneys, heak, shankroid, senses are weak, sugar, blood pressure, to be come hypertension, lung diseased, 14 types of diseases were cured, women diseases, white dots, egjima, skin diseases, who become marriage and no children will be ger childrens, phyles, liver diseases, elergy, T.B, diseases of lungs, all types of secret diseases were cured from you, wee see the pulese and give the exact medicines, first you have to check the medicines and give the money.
To see the pulse fee 10 RS.
The medicines will be provided by credit if you are present govt. service certificate.
Engrish Photo By: Nullyn
Gas Trick. First, pull my finger.
I’d rather get the “Urine unable to come” cured than the Gas trick.
True, the cure is disgasting.
Heck, I’d go to this guy just for the fun of it. 10 Indian Rupees is only 20 cents.
Think about how much it will cost to cure his treatments.
Ahh, there’s the rub!
His assistant does the rub treatment, but you have to give the mony.
Money is old-school.
Help my computer. I’ve lost my phyles.
Stop all the downloading.
Oh hell no, what’s up, dog?
I’ve had shankroid for a long time now.
Also skin diseases who become marriage, but we dated a long time, so I thought we’d be alright.
Well, this sounds pretty trustworthy, I think I’ll give him the mony.
I take it your white dots went away on their own.
No, I just phyle them down.
AAAAARGH! Dreadful Pun Hell fairy are discourage – elergic to such dreadful puns.
White spots? “Spots! Spots! I see spots before my eyes!” “That’s no good; have you seen a doctor?” “No, just these damned spots!”
did your white spots get marriage? if not then YOU HAS PMS!
I NOT HAS A PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I are just discourage, that’s all.
Don’t be are discourage! We love you, even when you has a PMS.
No, silly, Dan Shankroid! You know, from the old SNL and Ghost Busters!
Shankroid: Engrish for when you have a cold chancre and a hemorrhoid simultaneously. Like burning a candle at both ends!
Great, now I’ve got the Medical Love Song going through my head:
Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile;
I’ve had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while…
what if i’m a little hyper-paraboloid, will the gas do the trick?
Just relax in the sun until you get an HTAN.
Use HSIN screen so you don’t get HSIN burn.
My calculator has old markings. Tanh and Sinh are the current search keywords.
I’ve a working professional for over 14 years now…not once did I come across those lousy functions!!!
why can’t I type properly anymore??
p r o p e r l y– looks OK to me.
They are used for calculating the vectors, integrals and derivatives of an object on a hyperbolic path. If you’re not doing nuclear physics, astrophysics, or general rocket science, probibly not.
yes. Pro-bibly is out of the question.
Washed my hands this evening and can’t do a thing with them.
By the time you get to the ele(r)gy, it’s way too late for a cure.
what are these “secret deseases” exactly?
That would be the diseases they give you while curing you of the disease you came for in the first place, so you keep coming back there to give the money.
If we telling to you, then they will be not secret no more any time.
Give mony now.
If we tell you, they won’t be secret any more, silly.
It says, “All types of secret diseases were cured from you.” That means whatever they were, they’re already cured! So don’t bother the good doctor with anything but diseases you have made public knowledge!
So… they won’t be able to cure the problems with my “privates”?
no they only cure the problems with your secrets.
Is your army sick or something?
Only if you make them “publics.”
i think you meant “pubic”
If I were getting the pubic confused with the public, I’d be writing posts to my penis, and he’s not talking to me, as you may remember from an earlier post…
If you give it a good hit it should kick in, worked for me.
I really don’t want my privates kicked in, thank you!
Maybe a literal translation from the Hindi expression for VD
Another mother lode of Engrish!!! Lord, where to even begin?!?!
Indeed, it’s like a candy store….
I’m having trouble stopping laughing long enough to use a keyboard without producing gobbledygook!
Gobbledygook disease, we cure the. 10 rupees mony.
Especially if my gobbledygook is secret!
The preceding comment was “subject to moderation.” If anyone has a clue as to why, please let me know!
you don’t know?? how dare you use gobbledygook word! that’s profanity…insane I tell you, insane!!!
I’ve posted a comment that’s awaiting moderation.
Well, keep us posted…. errr… I guess you’ve done all you can for now, eh?
thank god! the moderation is gone! I’m cured!!
It’s a crazy world, and getting crazier. Who remembers the Aussies who were arrested for saying “Fair dinkum” (Common Aussie expression- Not a profanity) to an American airline steward?
Some people need to get over themselves and stop taking offense at things they don’t understand.
*waits for “moderation” on this comment*
Well, I was at the Dinkum Fair, and I tell you, that made Woodstock look tame!
No childrens become ger childrens. Wasn’t that George W. Bush’s education plan?
No, that was: No childrens left behind.
Research shows childrens do learn. But rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?
And, more importantly, why is poor peoples poor?
Well, one of the few things this clinic does not claim to cure is poverty, so that question is academic here.
I think it’s because more and more of their imports come from overseas
They are poor because they have impure thoughts. We can redirect those impure thought vectors with mind expanding meditations on the great spiritual leader, Ayn Rand.
We also have this great self motivation pamphlet by Machiavelli.
No, they just have i’m poor thoughts.
Funny, but sadly so true!
Wonder what “medicines” they give you that enable you to “see” the pulse? I vaguely recall some pulsing visualizations from some remote chemically assisted excursion years ago, but don’t remember precisely what “medicine” it was.
Those medicines may cause you to see the pulese. Or they will see you.
I do remember seeing animated visuals whilst listening to The Police with eyes closed…
Egjima. Isn’t that near Iwo Jima?
Eczema?
That’s nearer to New Zemand.
that’s the desease you get for putting eggs in your pyjamas
So one of the symptoms of the disease is that you have a compulsion to put eggs in your pajamas? That’s a new one on me! Let me get hold of the DSM-V Committee!
That would be chicken pox.
so which one comes first, the egg jema or the chicken pox?
If they do it right, they come simultaneously.
Urine unable to come? I don’t know if I’m coming or going!
LOL
if urine is coming, move as far back as possible. that way the stones that were stored won’t fall on you.
I wonder what would happen if you had a stone stuck in your urethra during ejaculation? Could you snipe someone with it?
I’ve heard of people being sent on a snipe hunt, but never using their urethra!
Urine unable to come. Is that one illness or two?
If you have both those problems at once, urine real trouble.
Especially if you’re unable to come to doctor.
I always check the medicines doctors prescribe, but their insisting that I have to does not encourage confidence in their professionalism.
Give much monys and will cast out deamons and Bollywood earworms.
but not this Billy Idol earworm
*muwah ha haaaa!!!*
Here she comes now sayin’ Mony Mony
Shoot ‘em up come on Mony Mony
Hey she look good now and I feel all right now
Don’t stop now come on mony mony
And feel all right, yeah I feel all right
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
‘Cause you make me feel
So good, so good, so good
So fine, so fine
It’s all mine, well I feel all right
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Well you could shake it Mony Mony
Shot gun dead and I’ll come on home yeah
Don’t stop cookin’ ’cause I feel too good now
Don’t stop now come on Mony
Come on yeah, I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
‘Cause you make me feel
So good, so good
Well I feel all right
You’re, and I feel all right
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony sure I do
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony sure I do
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony sure I do
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony sure I do
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony sure I do
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony sure I do
I love you Mony mo-mo-mony
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Feel all right, I said yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah
Wake it, shake it Mony Mony
Up, down, turn around, come on mony
Hey she give me love and I feel all right now
Don’t stop now come on Mony
Come on, I said yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah
‘Cause you make me feel
So good, so good, so good
Feel all right, all right
Well I feel all right
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ride your pony, ride your pony
Ride your pony come on, come on
Mony Mony
Feel all right, I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I thank God it’s not on my brain’s play list or archives.
Did we need the whole song?
I didn’t! Just “I said a mony, mony, mo mo mo” would have brought back Tommy James and the Shondells in all their glory (?). If you listened to rock radio in those days, the song is forever planted in your head. As Stephen King observed, someone who writes a hit song owns a piece of your mind forever.
Tommy James and the “what” now? I’m from the Billy Idol era. And like the kids of today who listen to artists who perform a remake of an old song, I’m going to say that no one else sang that song but Billy Idol! And yes, it’s in my head now… thanks, Jennifer. *sigh*
Tommy James and the Shondells. Notable not only for having this as a big hit, but also the unforgettable, “My Baby Does the Hanky-Panky.” Billy Idol is fine in his own right but you really should check out the original!
One thing that we usually develop as we get older is an appreciation for the roots of things, an awareness that we did not invent everything in the world, but that most everything we value comes out of a long tradition. I have come to see that a lot of the songs I thought were so original back in the ’60s are either covers of, or heavily influenced by, earlier blues songs. Obviously, no one listened to TJ&S for their lyrics! But they put together a compelling rock sound that influenced a lot of rockers that came later. I’ll get off my soap box now and get back to the LOLZ!!!
May you have sitar, tiny clanking cymbals, and dissonant harmonizing soprano and countertenor earworms.
The medicines will be provided by credit if I am present. Does that mean if I send cash, I don’t have to go in?
no, you’ll have to bring a gift also.
Can I send the gift instead? Or do I have to be present to present the present?
And if I’m a time traveler, do I have to be present in the present to present my present? And if so, which present? And which present? My brain is now a Klein bottle…
confusions, confusions..here sit down and let me doctor you.
I are discourage. Not working one my body.
I’m also very glad to know that the medicines were cured of my disease. I was feeling a sense of responsibility for all the sick medicines.
Finally, a cure for my secret diseases!
Secret diseases? Childrens phyles? He can cure pedophilia.
TL;DR
“stones are stored in the kidneys” Is this a disease or an FYI?
Direct translation ftl
If you are storing stones in the kidneys, you will probably think of it as a disease!!!
It was shankroid and ger childrens that got me.
is “water running of the ass” covered?
“Skin diseases who become marriage…” I don’t know, but I think after my first date with skin disease I wouldn’t want to go any further!
I wouldn’t even answer the phone is skin disease called. I would have someone lie for me and tell skin disease that I wasn’t home.
Skin diseases aren’t easily fooled.
Don’t try to pick up at a shingles bar!
i feel pity for your psori-asis
So this is what it all boils down to.
did you check the pulses? they’re very beany.
Human beans all have pulses.
AAAARGH! *clonk*
Hypocritical fairy! That’s not a Dreadful Pun. It’s a winner! (Wish I’d thought of it).
IT ARE DREADFUL PUN!
Perhaps we need a Dreadful Pun Fairy recall election. Methinks this DPF might be has a PMS…
I NOT HAS A PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ARE JUST DISCOURAGE!
Then let’s come to me and get!
I notice that they can cure “heat” too. Let’s get them on this global warming thing!
14 types of diseases were cured womens diseases… if I was unfortunate enough to has a PMS (which I never am of course), I wonder if they would do something to cheer me up? The gas trick, maybe?
denial is a symptom of..
Everything!
National Lampoon Radio Dinner Hour and George Carlin both had routines about the new secret disease that had no symptoms or treatment, and the only cure is death. Sometimes, you only die if you’re lucky.
Reminds me of that Chris Prentiss guy who’s always hawking his book on TV. He says that alcoholism isn’t a disease, but he can cure it.
I thought it was a John Waters interview spoof for a new movie. It was too passionate and sleazy to be real.
No, unfortunately it’s real. They guy also runs a rehab out in California that charges over $60,000 a month! I can’t figure out why anyone would go there when they can get the cure in his book for only $24.95.
i can make invisible gas disappear!
Try a decongestant and new hearing aid batteries, for now. It’s still there. Consider Beano for the long term.
I took “women diseases” to mean women who *are* diseases, rather than diseases that women have… Perhaps they cure you of mothers-in-law? Though the idea of their curing PMS is far more appealing.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go become hypertension.
This has got to be the best Engrish posting I have ever seen.
I agree! I was literally LOL whenever I read any of it for two hours.
?…???…OMG!! my shankroid senses are too weak!
Mine too. But fortunately my spider senses are tingling
I checked the medicines. now give me my money.
Chikitsa? is he from the chick point too?
FATIMEH! YOUR LONG LOST GYNECOLOGIST IS HERE!
Chikitsa escaped from an Abba song.
mony always funny in a rich man’s world
TL;DR
That’s definitely your loss!
Sorry, not to de-rail, but what is this TL;DR business about?
Shorthand for “too long; didn’t read.” Me, I can’t tell you how many times I reread it, savoring every bit of malformed English, bizarre randomness, and brazen hucksterism.
Ah, thank you for clearing that up.
I agree! This is like the “A Tale of Two Cities” of Engrish – every time I read it, I get something new out of it.
first you check the drugs then pay the money? just like real life!!
Try reading it aloud using a Yoda accent.
It makes perfect sense then.
SeaBee, I agree. I did the very same thing… only in my mind and not aloud since I am at work now trying not to laugh…. I think i’ll get stones stored in my kidneys for that….
I went for a Peter Sellers in “The Party” accent…
birdie numnum birdie numnum
I don’t want to be cured of my blood pressure, thank you.
I’m kind of interested in being cured of the Gas Trick, tho.
Self managed care option: Pull your own finger. Entertain and amaze your family and friends. Not available in stores or on tv.
shankroid?
All I can say is…makes more sense than most of my insurance and HIPPA forms…
What doesn’t?
A deteriorated chronic schizophrenic’s word salad makes more sense than insurance claim forms, which is what drove me out of private practice.
Elergy? I can figure out most of it but what’s elergy? Oh wait, it just hit me. Allergy.
As Droll not Troll noted above, it could be elegy, in which case the cure is too late, unless this guy can raise the dead (wouldn’t surprise me if he claimed to be able to!).
I must comment on the semi-hilarity of this: The advert on the bottom of my screen (thanks Feedback-Ads by Google!) says “Hypoxia at Birth: Could It Been Prevented?” Seems someone needs to take an English class at the advertising agency…
I have seen the pulse and I am encourage!
But have you seen the doctor? If not, let’s come to me and get! And get healthy, too!
To: dr handle, JohnB, PoodleGroomer, I’m the chief, and others; a toast! Thanks to you, and whoever posted this gem! Now I need to dry my eyes and breathe.
Many thanks for the positive feedback. It’s often hard to know if we are making posts that people are enjoying! When I’m laughing myself as I make a post, I usually know, but otherwise I’m shooting in the dark. But I, for one, love the interplay here and think that together we are much funnier than any one of us would be alone.
You had a choice piece of material, the finest engrish combined with hucksterism and medical pompousness at reasonable rates… You guys pulled it all together! Sweet synergy!
The synergy is the fun part. Each posting is like playing with high explosives in a land fill, you don’t know what is going to start raining down. A good posting starts a Rube Goldberg thought process chain that can become a derailed freight train of thought. Some postings complete the thought process, others set it too high (or low) to continue. A single unanswered posting creates the deafening silence of rejection. We must slog onward to skewer pomposity, decipher obfuscation, and expose dangling modifiers wherever they may be found.
JohnB: I agree 100% with your last sentence.
To Everyone: Don’t be afraid to post a comment that you think is lame, half thought out or just weird. I do all of these (oh, you noticed?) and hope someone else will improve on it. And often they do!
yep. post anything. you can even just put a silly smile, like this
Oooh! That reminds me. Just testing: €πßåçΩ
Sorry folks; not swearing, just finding out if any of my keyboard options work here. Apparently the standard ones do. Sadly, the wingdings & webdings don’t.
try the dingdongs, they come bundled with microhard word.
And with all of the preservatives, they last for years in the original web posting without spoiling.
Ahh, ding-dongs… Wish I had some now, but I’m tied to this desk and there are no snack machines hereabouts… I am a total chocolate slut!
BTW, my silly smile looks like this: 8^]>
(Leftward inclination of head 90 degrees may be useful)
EPIC LOVELINESS!!
There are cases on record of people laughing themselves to death. Perhaps we need to post a warning here on Engrish Funny!
Good news: Your white spots were cured.
Bad news: You’re now married to your psoriasis.
nooo not the the shankroid!!
I think I have a bad case of “Urine unable to come” from reading this.
Then, as the venerable Droll not Troll observed above, you don’t know whether you’re coming or going!