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Cheezburger Network Blog
Oh, I bet she does.
It has been proven medically that semen has many benefits for a woman. One is, when swallowed, it does clear up your skin and gives it a warm glow.
Another benefit is that it softens the cervix when you’re getting close to giving birth to a child.
Semen is good for women! They should always swallow!
Go swallow it yourself after a wank, if it’s so beneficial.
See the post from Sum Yung Gai below. He claims to have followed that practice for years. As for me, I’ll pass.
it doesn’t soften your cervix for birth if you swallow it :/
Is this engrish? I get the feeling they knew exactly what they were saying with this one…
I know… I think it was meant as a humorous double entendre.
I’d double THAT entendre!
This barely qualifies as a single entendre
Hard to tell, the way the picture is cropped, but it looks to me like she’s got a nice pair of entendres.
oohhhh…and here I thought it was airbrushing giving her that hideously unnatural glow and smoothness…
Nope, it’s that certain mix of proteins and natural oils and moisturizers that can only be found in the finest smegma.
Daily hygienic measures ought to clear that up
You should be a bit more circumspect in making comments like that.
Don’t you mean circumcised?
Circumspection is when you inspect a circumcision. I don’t know whose circumcision DnT wants inspection of, but since Jennifer is urging hygienic measures, I assume she would be the one to do the inspecting.
That’s a pretty bris-y assumption!
Wow! I really didn’t think that one through! Buck made the same connexion as I did, but you took it the rest of the way. Nice work, JB!
It’s a good thing you didn’t suggest the inspection be done by a family member. You shouldn’t force kin to do things like that.
Force kin to do it, and they’ll cut you off!
Force-kin Five-skin whatever it’s still mutilation!
Sir-cum-speck’t? I love phonics..
I want to be her cosmetologist.
Shouldn’t there be a phone number accompanying this ad? Please, Jebus, give me her phone number!
But don’t tell my wife.
So, are you a senator, govenor, or congressman?;)
Minister. Almost certainly a minister.
Ha! Fooled you both. I’m a teacher at a private middle school for promiscuous young ladies.
I probably shouldn’t have told you that…
I was actually at a private middle school for promiscuous young ladies.
A teacher was arrested and served jail time for succumbing to temptation. I think he had three girlfriends between the ages of 13 and 16. And a live in girlfriend. I think he got seven years or something.
I think your confusing ‘temptation’ with statutory rape. Succumbing to temptation = maybe I will have that second donut! Shagging your underage pupils = criminal failure of duty of care. Easy to confuse.
you’re fail is my fail.
your grammar is a fail XD
Your capitalization and sentence structure FAIL.
Hey, while there have been a few spectacular episodes of ministers engaging in infidelity, the record of American politicians is under no threat from that quarter whatsoever! They take the cake (which, of course, is a lie). (In the interest of full disclosure, besides my long career in clinical psychology, I recently became an ordained minister. AND I have been faithful to my wife for 23 years.)
And, at the risk of TMI, she does swallow, and she does have beautiful skin. So perhaps there’s something to this, although what on Earth the advertizers are peddling is beyond me. Maybe semen bread?
An ordained minister? So it should be Reverend JohnB? Or is JohnB a reference to a certain gentleman who hung out near bodies of water, and tended to prefer fur…
I can understand someone in clinical psychology becoming a minister, for a couple of reasons. Some folks, you realize, have psyches that will never be saved, so you might as well try for the souls. Plus, after years of association in clinical psychology, you’d start praying to God there is a life after this one and where Heaven might have something to do with sanity, rationality, and peace.
And Brother John, if I may ask, what denomination?… just curious.
I grew up, and remain, in a sea of fundamentalism- Rev. Falwell’s church and university are only about a 40 minute drive south of here, and I know a few folks who went there. Plus, my grammaw was Mennonite, until she married a Methodist, which was perhaps fortunate for me considering my worldliness… though I might actually have been married by now.
Plus, one of my hoodlum friends is a Methodist minister… I hangs with all sorts of interesting crowds, at least those that will have me. It gets real interesting when the crowd happens to contain me by myself, but that brings us back to clinical psychology.
I was actually raised Catholic, and remained so in adulthood until I got divorced and remarried. Up until then, my disagreements with the Vatican were legion, but they weren’t personal. Suddenly, they were! I then drifted into the Lutheran church, then for several years considered myself a Buddhist. The latest church I have been involved with is the Episcopal Church. However, my ordination is through an interdenominational body that is light on dogma but strongly metaphysical in perspective. I am currently pursuing a PhD in transpersonal counseling, and my chief interest as a minister is to offer spiritual guidance to individuals, and teaching things like meditation, although I am open to performing rituals, with people of virtually any religious or spiritual orientation, tailored to their own metaphysical perspective or religious tradition. When my own life was saved from alcoholism and addiction by a spiritual experience, that naturally led me to an interest in the intersection of the psychological and the spiritual, and I have come to believe that in spirituality can be found some of the most potent forces for positive change. But I have zero interest in prosyletizing, and even less interest in judging, and I am highly averse to dogma of any kind. So while I am Reverend John, soon to be Reverend Doctor John, I am not much on formalities and am happy to be plain old John!
Aha! You’re going to get doctored too!
So would you say you agree with Kevin Smith that it’s better to just come up with an Idea of what you think your deity is like, rather than to have beliefs set in stone (see DOGMA, if you haven’t already)? I think he was right.
I think that each person should be free to develop a concept of God, or some other higher power that they may not choose to call God, that works for them as an acceptable model. When considering the infinite, the best mortal man can do in normal waking consciousness is to think in terms of a model or analogy. At various times in a person’s life, he or she may have experiences that cause them to reconsider their concept, and at that time, they need to develop a more sophisticated concept. I also believe in (and have experienced) that thing called “mystical experience,” and such events can expand our awareness greatly. I also believe that when people begin to develop the more subtle types of awareness, they have less need of a concept of God, because they come to realize directly that all concepts eventually become constricting to pure awareness. I don’t at all dismiss scripture or organized systems of belief. I just feel that each person’s experience should lead them, rather than any authority.
Hurrah for a well expressed and enlightened view. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that you’re singing my favorite hymn.
Cool. And how long have you been married?
He said. 23 years.
Not in so many words. I think I see what lucreid is implying. Norty lucreid!!
I’ve been married 29 years! But nothing naughty is implied anyway. The first six were to someone else.
One hopes that you are not completely naughtiness-free; a certain amount of mutually sanctioned naughtiness is desirable within a marriage.
In that sense, I am naughty by nature!
“You down with O.P.P.?
Yea, you know me!”
nice portal reference!
Pearl breasted, Red chested, Red rumped, White throated, Pacific or Welcome swallow?
And could she, in a migratory flight, carry a cocoanut to England?
I think she’s non-migratory.
She could grip it by the husk.
Maybe she could carry it in her mouth – how many nuts could she get in her mouth at once, I wonder?
I suppose that would depend on one question.
European or African?
I don’t know tha….ah……….ah ………………ah………………………ah …………………………………………ah
Picture, please!
That would help with the circumspection!
This isn’t an engrish.. this is an actual billboard- they were all over in long beach about a year ago. It was promoting Imedeen tablets.
A very attractive, lightly clothed woman laying on a bed saying “I swallow” gives that phrase a very loaded meaning in English (think “bukkake”). Since no pharmaceuticals are in sight, English speakers of a certain mindset are not going to interpret the phrase as it may have been intended. That there is the essence of “Engrish.”
Well, the top of the billboard is cut off, so you don’t see the brand name, but it was an actual ad, correctly employing a well-understood double entendre, aimed directly at English speakers.
Thus, not Engrish.
But still funny as hell.
Ahh, so that was dirty pool, cutting off the top so I couldn’t see everything. Plus, Long Beach? CA? The writers, then, weren’t translating anything- fluent English and dirty minds- something I can very much relate to.
So not enough information is not equal too Engrish, I agree.
Funny as hell, yes. And, that, I believe, was the first ever time I used “bukkake” in a sentence.
i used to use bukkake in sentences all the time….but i had a cat named bukkake…
I sincerely hope you’re not a judge who is experimenting with “creative sentencing”!
Why for did you name your kitty “Bukkake”? I know the denotation of the word is “splash”, or something along those lines. Did kitty keep jumping in the water dish? I also know the connotative meaning, obviously, not because of any fluency of Japanese, but of JAV…. if it is from that you named your cat, then I don’t know if I want to know why.
I read an interview of an adult film actress of the Caucasian variety a few years back; she said she named her pet parakeet “Onan” because he kept spilling his seed.
Oo
*shivers in excitement*
This picture matches with “Praise the Load” one.
WOOOOOOOO!
I think a facial would have better results for her skin than swallowing.
And what ingredient(s) would you recommend for the facial??
I think this pic has actually suggested an ingredient for a facial more yick-provoking than nightingale crap.
This is the best porn ad I’ve ever seen…
Head carefulness?
I doubt she’d want to swallow a helmet.
Probably, but definitely head cleanliness! And, as the wise Droll not Troll recently observed, cleanliness is next to gobbliness!
No cleanliness, absolutely NO gobbliness. No amount of chocolate sauce is going to compensate for a lack of person hygiene, fellas.
I wonder if they told her what the caption would be when they took her photo.
can Io volunteer to be her medicine donor?
She could, but she’s been turned into a heifer.
Guess we’re short of mythology fans around here…
mythology WIN!
REALLY now?
put’s sugar daddy into perspective.
Actually this is a legitimate statement. Semen can make teeth whiter, make hair silkier and make skin smoother as well as make nails appear healthier because it contains a lot of proteins in it. Moral of this story; Eat your proteins!
yeah, and eat your shit. “Legitimate statement”, my ass. Swallow your own microscopic penis if you want.
He’s correct.
Semen is proven to kill up to 90% of the bacteria on the teeth it touches.
Yes, I heard that Listerine is coming (pun intended, of course) out with a new mouthwash. “New and Improved, With Real Semen!” This could really be a seminal idea for the industry. But I really can’t see men using it much, except perhaps for the gay community, where it might have considerable appeal.
also, nice name Arekkusuckmydick. It sounds very original.
Oh and I have no penis to “swallow”. I’m a woman.
Nope. Wimmen don’t have penises. But with what we have instead, we could get as many as we wanted if we felt like it.
Quantity, however, is no substitute for quality!
My husband has been trying to convince of this for years. He claims it is the cure for everything!
it is, trust him.
But only if you see him nomming his own on a daily basis as if it really were Sanatogen.
P0rn star Ron Jeremy is noted for his capacity to engage in auto-fellati0, which he sometimes performs on films. I can’t tell if his skin is beautiful, since he’s a hairy guy with a perpetual 5:00 shadow.
If you look at his skin in this context, then he must have a severe allergic reaction to smegma. Never understood his success as a porn actor, except maybe for the fact that porn is produced for men roughly 99% of the time.
This is hilarious – this ad came out in Singapore a couple years back – caused a ruckus here too (I was in Canada back then)…..now its causing a ruckus internationally. WELL DONE ENGRISH.COM! LOL!!
There was nothing wrong with the semantics of the sentence in the advertisement. I’m a Singaporean and I know about this and I can explain.
This was an advertisement of a well-known Singaporean celebrity Zoe Tay (erm.. at least within Singapore) endorsing a beauty product. The celebrity merely meant that the tablets are to give beautiful skin (whatever.. I don’t believe in them anyway). Of course tablets are consumed, but guess what she said in that quote sounded a bit.. erm… wrong. The advertisement was also criticised here in Singapore for just about the same reason as I stated above.
Go to http://thegrandnarrative.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/imedeen-skin-whitening-tablets-advertisement-i-swallow.jpg to see the entire poster. The rest of the poster was written in perfect English, so the poster is absolutely not Engrish. Any complaints regarding the advertisement may not be directed to the advertising company, but at least you may contact the company that makes the beauty product. Address, phone number and e-mail are included in the poster, from the link I just gave. Country code is 65.
I don’t really like her anyway, but please cut Zoe some slack. She communicates most effectively in Chinese. She is ABSOLUTELY bad in English (she does speak in English on our shows here, but I can tell she’s not very educated in English because of how she articulates her speech. (But that’s also the reason why I don’t like her. She tries to speak in English even though she can’t do so ineffectively)
P.S. For those from the UK, I’m 17 and so like every Singaporean secondary student I did my Ordinary Level papers set and graded by Cambridge examiners and I received an A for English. Also, at this moment I’m studying for a Diploma in communications so I’m pretty confident I can comment on Zoe’s language. Enough said.
*sigh* there are always going to be people who Just Don’t Get It, aren’t there?
I believe that Jeebers himself said that the humourless will always be with us, struggling pathetically against their condition… what? Oh, my husband tells me that it was the poor that JC was referring to (he’s the mick, I’m the atheist, so I defer to his knowledge). But he could equally well have been referring to the humourless.
” She tries to speak in English even though she can’t do so ineffectively”
Kettle, this is Pot. Pot, say hello to Kettle.
I take it as an article of faith that God has a rip-roaring sense of humor. After all, He (or She) made us!
As the Metatron put it in ‘Dogma’, “Just look at sex, the faces you people pull during intercourse…”
deterdettol….nobody cares
Doesn’t matter. I don’t have an inferiority complex so I don’t have to feel good if no one pays attention to me or what I typed.
Doesn’t matter. I don’t have an inferiority complex so I don’t have to feel good only when people pay attention to me or what I typed.
LOL! Great irony!
*serious mode* I hope your communications course has a sizeable humour content. Humour, and the understanding of it, is a very important part of communication. Your double post (above) would be an excellent example, if the content was phrased in just the right way.
I left the double post because I made a mistake in the first one of the pair. Whoops! I have not mentioned that I do make mistakes a lot, even while writing essays..
I personally have a sense of humour, just that it usually kick in at the wrong time, and I do find myself being serious when I can just relax. Thanks for letting me chill, I really do appreciate it. As for my course, we mostly do have a sense of humour (by the jokes we make). We joke with our lecturers a lot, especially my video production lecturer..
P.S. Try spotting a typographical error in my above text. I’ve just made another mistake.. Oh well, I’ll just laugh it off and forget about it.
Yep, saw that one right away. Funny thing is, I didn’t spot the difference in your paired posts earlier! Spotting things that are out of place is one of my more useful talents, but with all the things going wrong around me lately, I must be on overload.
Everybody makes mistakes, and I learned long ago there’s no point in getting heavy about them unless they really matter.
And, I might add, humor is one of the most powerful coping mechanisms humans have. Laughter has been proven to have powerfully positive effects on the human brain and body, and when you can laugh at something it tends to assuage any feelings of anger, sadness, or fear.
LOL epic
i have always swallawed my own semen after masturbating… thats why at 37 people mistake me for 28!!! but i think i need to conduct some serious scientific research about it
This is not the first time I’ve heard of some wanker taking recycling to extremes!
Your name isn’t Capistrano, is it? If so, you’re famous, because I’ve heard something about “Capistrano” and “swallows come.”
Despite how creepy some people might find that, you solved a problem I never could figure out: “What the hell am I supposed to do with this stuff once I’m done?”
this is NOT ENGRISH – it is an AMERICAN advertisement
Original Ad here:
http://thegrandnarrative.wordpress.com/2009/03/05/zoe-tay-imedeen-skin-whitening-advertisement/
Your name isn’t Capistrano, is it? If so, you’re famous, because I’ve heard something about “Capistrano” and “swallows come.”
This particular swallow isn’t properly nested, but don’t try to come to its rescue!
omg this woman is a famous icon in singapore! its for some slimming pills or some shit she have to swallow. lol.
-no singapore is not part of china =_=
ya she is one of s’pore big actress. and only fags think s’pore is part of fucking china
This kinda ties in with the bubble tea ad a couple pages back….;
“only fags think s’pore is part of fucking china” What now? 2 gay men, 1 cup?
I”m singaporean and that made me laugh soooo hard!! gosh, someone shoulda checked that… I probably shouldn’t be commenting though, cause I’m only 13 and shouldn’t know about that kinda thing (or so my parents think)
i what?
wrong choice of words…
Ah, I remember this. I’m from Singapore and our teacher mentioned this ad in one of our writing classes. I couldn’t stop laughing, but no one else (in a class full of 17 year olds!!!) got it. I then had the dubious honour of explaining it to the rest. FML.
I guess us Singaporeans aren’t known for our ability to understand double entendres. D:
haha i hope she swallows mine too! but she’s actually referring to some beauty product really… poor tasting advertisements…