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Your Yacks Currently
bluejade on Young men can be so shall… dr handle on Young men can be so shall… dr handle on Young men can be so shall… bluejade on Lysol for me! dr handle on It’s the bestest ev… dr handle on It’s the bestest ev… dr handle on It’s the bestest ev… bluejade on But I thought we were friends… bluejade on It’s the bestest ev… leila on But I thought we were friends… 
Cheezburger Network Blog
First
IT’S A TRAP
just how i like it
It’s 33% off, which probably means you don’t get to the finish.
But I can enjoy the other 66%
Math Fail!
If you bother to divide 3.99 by 5.99, you get around 66%; hence, 33% percent off, hence I don’t see the fail.
I gets the remaining 1/3%. I have a protection racket going with this store.
Or 2/3 %? Or the full 1%? I’ve got myself confused. But I’m just the muscle, the brains is my acquaintance Reginald. Perhaps we need to renegotiate our split.
you, sir, have been trolled.
fail fail
It means that the target gets to cut off the end 33% of the rapist’s d!ck. What you marinate it in afterwards is optional.
Good riposte.
I don’t want to know what the marinade is…
“Rape” is a vegetable, scientific name ‘brassica napus.’ “Brassica” would make it related to turnips, rutabagas, etc. In the West it is not considered ‘people food’, but is grown as animal fodder. Oil is extracted from the seeds and marketed as ‘Canola Oil.’ Apparently in some Asian countries it IS used for ‘people food’, probably as a ‘green’ like spinach.
… and yet every month or so some American tourist comes across a sign like this and posts it here believing the one that translated the sign to be an idiot. Isn’t it great that everyone lives in their own little narcissistic world anymore? The American people need to get out in to the rest of the world more often; and one at a time so they have a chance of learning something away from the group mentality of perfection.
You pay the way for me and my family to almost any country, and pay for my time off (since I am self-employed, I get no vacation pay), and we’ll be ready tomorrow! In the meantime, we will have to settle for such amusements as we can find domestically and online, including the powerful medicine of the laughs to be found on this site.
Funny, but not all these submissions are by ignorant arrogant sheltered perfect(?) Americans, many are submitted by locals. But I guess they are agents of the Americans and are part of the conspiracy.
Plus, my sentiments mirror Brother John’s.
Closest I’ve got to world travel was through dating. I dated a Jamaican immigrant, and used to sit and talk about Jamaican politics with her mother and father. I dated a Vietnamese girl; she taught me a lot about Viet Nam (I don’t remember if she taught me this or I already knew this, but “Nam” means “South”, “Viet” is the name of the tribe or peoples, hence the name of the country means the Southern Viet, or the Land of the Southern Viet- not sure about what happened to the Northern Viet, probably they were absorbed or possibly eliminated by the Chinese, considering the history of the area, which, God forbid, I’m somewhat familiar with) and I taught her a bit of both American history and helped her refine her English… she already new English, I just helped with her pronunciation and with figures of speech which were understandably confusing to her. Some of her family were ARVN, some worked with the CIA, so her family had a lot of motivation to get the hell out of Viet Nam following 1975, but most didn’t get out for another 15 years.
Most of my friends at the university I attended happened to be foreigners, and I joked with them about travelling the world by proxy. My running buddy was Filipino, and the rest of my friends were from just about everywhere else. I’m not too picky in that way.
I’d love to get out into the rest of the world more often, but when you live hand to mouth (which some of us Americans actually do) it ain’t possible. But while I’m stuck in the US not by choice but by limited means, I don’t shut out or hide from the rest of the world.
By the way, when English speakers see the letters “R” “A” “P” “E” it is particularly jarring, so you’re gonna get this reaction almost all the time, even with those folks with botanical knowledge. And there are probably legions of English words that elicit the same response to people who speak another language. If they laugh, I’m not too offended, and if they explain what they are laughing at, I tend to laugh too.
I have not seen r@pe used humorously since Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles”, “Young Frankenstein” and “History of the World, Part I”. I have not seen one since, including this page and hope to not see more pages like this in the future.
But you have found r@pe to be humorous in the past? Just to clarify this point.
Not to answer for Groomer, who is well capable of answering for himself, but as someone who has personally counseled many victims of r@pe, there is absolutely NOTHING funny about the act, which is one of the most profoundly degrading and wounding acts any so-called human can commit. But the appearance of the word in places where it seems quite bizarre and incongrous, like on a food menu, can be quite humorous.
No.
Mel Brooks used it, indirectly, as an insight to the character.
In Blazing Saddles the bad guy uses it twice in the job interview to establish his character. In Young Frankenstein, Elisabeth is an alpha socialite that can only be subjugated by a more dominant male. Her protests and rationalizations aren’t understood by the testosterone poisoned brain of the monster, but they do come to an understanding.
In History of the World, the announcer at the Roman Palace screams R@PE when his personal space is invaded.
“she already new English”
I good-naturedly point out the FAIL!
If you bump all my comments that contain typos or subject/verb agreement or wrong punctuation or any other species of stupidity or empty-headedness , then I’d have very few comments left. I ain’t perfect, I must humbly confess.
It’s a bit like what I tell my friends who are learning English as a Second Language, “right now, as long as you can get your point across to me in a way I can understand, we’ll worry about spelling and grammar and pronunciation later…” If you get it, then I’ve succeeded to a point. But I do need a good editor.
“subject/verb agreement errors…” I dood it again.
If your subject and verb disagree, your sentences can get rather ugly! Nothing worse than a sentence fighting with itself…
win
And you know they are American exactly how?
Aussies, Kiwis, Canucks, and Brits all make the same mistakes and do the same stupid ‘laugh at the silly monkey people’.
I know, I have worked with native speakers form around the world in Asia.
Blame Fail
I hope that people who speak languages other than English also get a good giggle at native English speakers who try to speak their languages – we must make some sensationally amusing howlers, too. Well, if my language lessons (as child and adult) were anything to go by, Australia is the home of some of the most hilarious speakers-of-non-native-languages on the planet.
Par lezz voo Frank-case?
Oui, je parle le franglais really well. Most of le temps.
Bone pour voo! I parlay a pine on Moe, do Francis!
I think point Demzon was trying to make is that Americans know relatively less about the world than do people of other nations. It seems nobody’s disputing that. Knowing more about the world doesn’t have to do with having money for travel (and not internet access either). That wouldn’t explain how many third-world folks know about other cultures. I consider myself third-world, educated, and urban-poor, and I learned by reading, stamps, coins, penpals, and a little bit of watching TV and movies. And did I mention reading?
And yes, I’ve always thought the Americans say “canola oil” because they’re too embarrassed to say “rapeseed oil”
Sorry to disillusion you, but there was absolutely nothing “group-think” about my response. I do believe that Americans need to pay more attention to what is happening in other countries, and in fact said so in a post myself not long ago. I have always been quite interested in the world outside the States; back in the days before the Internet, I built my first shortwave radio at age 12 and literally grew up listening to foreign broadcasts. I became a ham radio operator at 16, and it was always a thrill to have a conversation with someone from another country. I too am skeptical of all news reports. I believe that the study of foreign languages needs to be emphasized far more in our schools. What I objected to was what sounded like your glib statement that any of us in the US could go gallavanting around the world if we would just open our minds to the possibility, as well as the implication, that we run into regularly here, that by laughing about the strange things that happen when people of non-English-speaking countries and different cultures express themselves in English, we are putting down those people and considering ourselves smugly superior. That is not at all the case, since just about all of us assume that when native English speakers use other languages, just as many funny things happen. In fact, several people mentioned that in their responses to your first post, if you had bothered to try to listen to what people were saying rather than just label it all “groupthink” because they didn’t agree with you. Once in a while we have someone who makes some sort of statement like, boy foreigners are stupid, and that person gets put in their place promptly. Many of the people who contribute here are, in fact, well traveled in the world. We often get well-informed explanations of what the original language said. Quite a few of the people who contribute here are very bright and witty. And in fact, some of the funniest entries we have had have actually come from English-speaking countries! This site is about laughing and having fun, and though I have only been around here for a few months, I’ve had more fun here than anywhere else on the net. And nothing I have seen here or said here makes me think any less of people in other countries.
And P.S., your facts are wrong, too. The term “canola oil” was not invented to keep Americans from having to say “r@pe”; rapeseed oil normally contains a high content of acid that makes it unpalatable to most people. In Canada, a strain of the rapeseed that was lower in acid was dubbed, “Canadian Oil, Low Acid,” which got shortened to “canola,” and the name stuck.
R@peseed’s DNA was modified by bombarding it with high energy gamma rays in a lab. The survivors that germinated had their oil tested, and those with food grade oil were placed into a high production reproduction process. Canola is grown in isolated fields, far from things that would upset it. Don’t make it angry. You don’t want to see it angry.
Hulk reference WIN!
Lordy, I’ve made rather a few typos. But I’m to tired and have grown a bit weary to go pick through and correct them all. I do hope all you folks do forgive me (although you, Demzon, I would not conceive of doing; you don’t strike me as being the forgiving type, plus you are likely to use the typos as proof of your superiority, and my complete inability to do anything that might contribute to polite culture>)
My spelling is much worse at times; that happens when you have to many languages coming together in to one as English is. The American dialect just happens to be the worst.
Tell you what; I’ll just leave it to you who all have way to much time to attempt to write full papers on how I am wrong, and prove just how pissed you can get at some one who states what they see and know while insisting on your own right to do the same. Hypocrisy is not just something for people with talk shows or political positions.
Personally, I’m done with it. I might see what you all have to spout off next later some time though.
Pissed? You haven’t seen me pissed! It just so happens that I was bombarded with high-energy gamma rays, and I’m normally kept off by myself, away from things that upset me. Don’t make me angry. You don’t want to see me angry!
By the way, do you wear purple pants all the time? I just have this suspicion.
One thing I’ve always wondered about (which isn’t going to surprise you since I think you have a good sense of where my mind is at most times) is this- when Mr. Banner transforms into the less than jolly green Hulk, all of his clothing is ripped to shreds, except for his purple pants. At most, his bell bottoms might shred, but nothing else. I always wondered why, since it would seem that if his upper body muscle mass increased that much, why wouldn’t his lower body muscle mass do the same, if only to support his upper body? So it would seem that he would get too big for his britches, not to mention his undershorts. Jack Kirby as a comic book artist would never have had a problem in depicting such a thing (oh noes! Where’s DPHF?). I guess the comic book then would be no longer appropriate for the kiddies. I doubt, too, that Stan Lee would let that pass.
One word: Spandex.
I didn’t think spandex existed when the Hulk was first created. Maybe radiation exposure does funny things to cotton.
Necessity is the mother of invention. David Banner invented spandex.
I just had a thought as to why it was necessary for Hulk to wear pants at all times in the TV series, at least. He was played by Lou Ferringo, a bodybuilder contemporary of one Arnold Schwarzenneggnbaconburger, and therefore possibly also another user of certain bodybuilding-enhancing substances. If he had run around in the nicky noo nar, all anybody who watched it would’ve been able to think would’ve been “Dude, who the hell bonsaied your package?”
DPH Fairy will let that go, because she has wondered about That Sort Of Thing herself for many years. What’s the bet that when the werewolves in the “Twilight” films manifest, they turn back into humans with pants on? Oh, I was forced to sit through the first film, it was appalling, I want to set them all on fire.
That was one thing among many I liked about “An American Werewolf in London.” When are hero woke up transformed back into a people, he was lying buck naked in the wolf cage at the zoo. Then, they ran (and he ran) with his nakedness for fun in the next few scenes. Stealing the balloons from the little boy and that sort of thing.
I have never heard the expression “nicky noo nar”, but it’s now going to the top of the list of favorites.
I always figured AHnold was one of the first purchasers of the civilian Hummers because he needed to compensate for certain deficiencies.
“Mummy, a naked American man just stole my balloons”.
Don’t let ‘em get to ya, Buck! My response was plenty long, and no one could possibly accuse me of having too much time on my hands, since I work a full-time plus job, perform almost all household tasks for a 9-year-old daughter and a seriously ill invalid wife, care for a yard and a large pool, do all the driving and shopping that needs to be done for my family, and am pursuing a doctorate degree, not to mention some additional new duties as an ordained minister. But right now this site is one of the high points of my life, and when someone attacks I feel duty-bound to defend us. As I’ve said before, if you’re not here for the laughs, PLEASE spend your time on another site. Perhaps sanctimonious self-appointed critics.com would be more your style.
I don’t know if the wand can do that – since I never has a PMS myself, I’ve never had need to test it out.
Srsly, Brother Buck, there will always be a few twerps who don’t just come here for the lolz. Point and laugh at them. It’s positively therapeutic. It’s what the rest of us are doing. Do you really care what they think? Wouldn’t you be more worried if you had the good opinion of a killjoy funsquashing pronouncer of unamusedness?
Moderation? Moderation??? That comment is awaiting *moderation*??????? What the #*%$ did I say??????
“twerps” or “funsquashing” almost got you banned for life
I anyone does, however, you and I could start a club.
Well, you know that “twerp” backwards is “prewt,” which, I believe, is considered obscene in Macedonian. And funsquashing, well, it’s not hard to imagine that as a euphemism for the Dirty Deed. Or perhaps the moderation bot was having a PMS!
Maybe that’s why King Philip of Macedon (Alex the Great’s old man) was assassinated. King Philip must’ve called the bodyguard who killed him a “prewt” one too many times.
Lookee here, Moe, this Amurrican ain’t takin’ kindly too awl the remarks about our lack of knowledge about udder countries. Hey, we here are for the most part intelligent people with a tremendous interest in how other cultures live. We too read and are great enthusiasts for the past and current histories of the countries from which our parents or great-great-grandparents came. It’s just so easy to bash us right now because our banks and securities and government safeguards have been shown to be venal. So have at it, but just remember that you’re labeling a people as diverse as all of Europe and Asia with one label. But you have the right to your own opinion. Me, I’ve found denizons of Mexico, England and Canada to be just as clueless about other cultures when I meet them in their own countries. But that’s what average people are like: busy trying to live their lives, earn their bread and sort out their own problems.
Not that I minded your comment
Hey! don’t be so hard on them! Most yanks I’ve known are decent folk’s.
It’s just that their schools have been set up to produce cannon fodder to protect the oil companies foreign interests.
Canola oil is not rape oil. Rape is considered a non food oil and can be a high impact laxative. Canola was deliberately mutated remove this property. Sometimes a restaurant will get imported rape marked as canola and everyone goes crazy trying to find a source of food poisoning. I apparently has the same effect on people on stantin drugs.
“Rape is considered a non-food oil”
“… imported rape…”
That made me laugh
@PoodleGroomer: Your last sentence is not very clear, and you have me worried. Is there a dangerous reaction between statins and canola oil I should know about? I googled, but found nothing definite.
I’m not aware of any problems in that regard. I take a statin myself. Generally, if you don’t get the neuromuscular problems or the liver toxicity (not that these are minor things!), you don’t tend to see other side effects.
Some people become sensitive to fats and oils while on statins because they work in the liver and modify the bile. This causes high speed food rejection for several hours and fear of farting for a day. Patients also need to monitor fatty vitamin levels, like A, D, and E. Canola is commonly used for frying in restaurants. We both ate the same foods from the same buffet, but my wife spent the night enthroned. I only cook with peanut oil, olive oil, or lethecin at home, and intermittantly a touch of butter.
OK, thanks for the clarification. I hadn’t heard about that problem, but now I know what to watch for.
BTW: “lecithin”. My short time on this site has cured me of any tendencies to become a spelling nazi with general speech, but I get a bit touchy about mistakes with food and chemical names, particularly when we have things like xylitol and xylenol. Wouldn’t want anyone to confuse those two!
I have become, at home, a convert to strictly extra virgin olive oil, although as a dietary supplement I take rather large quantities of lecithin, which is high in precursors for brain chemicals, especially for acetylcholine, which is the neurotransmitter most involved in memory.
I prefer olive oil because it tastes better.
In the west, if you read the ingredients of peanut butter they list it as rape seed oil instead of Canola seed oil.
Always wondered what was up with Peter Pan’s expression on the Peter Pan Peanut Butter labels. Now I know.
Well, he does hang around with fairies!
That has NOTHING to do with his proclivity to r@pe seed!
thank you, professor.
This is just filled with Tentacly goodness. Which is similar to noodly goodness but with less pirates and more goo.
For the pirates, they have soused looting further down the counter.
And pillage drizzled with olive oil as a side order.
Can you get rapine to go, with or without olive oil?
Watch out for the ninjas lurking by the hot roast chickens.
Thanks for the heads up! I was going to get my “pillage” from that seedy looking character I saw outside the door.
What does tentacle have to do with rape? aside from that futurama movie
It’s a recurring theme in manga. For some reason, female intercourse, either voluntary or involuntary, with cephalopods is seen as stimulating by many manga readers.
Why, I do not know myself. Perhaps someone else could enlighten you.
As a psychologist, I can’t say I know the answer for sure. But a similar thing happens in movies of the horror genre: there is always a young attractive female who is being stalked by the monster/killer/ sadist. I think it taps into the archetypal image of horror preying upon the pure, innocent, defenseless, and gets our emotions flowing more readily.
It’s a metaphor for natural selection, speeded up – if you are dumb enough to go out into the woods/into the cave/into the scary house in the middle of the night, without a torch, in your jimjams, without telling anyone where you’re going, after being warned that something strange is suspected about that particular venue, then frankly, you deserve to get et.
Don’t get me started on the overused conventions of horror films! People could avoid any trouble with monsters/killers if they just obeyed a few simple rules: 1. NEVER walk backwards. 2. DON’T go down the basement. 3. Ditto the attic. 4. You don’t want to know what’s behind that secret staircase. You really don’t. 5. The locked door that has noises behind it should really stay locked. Never mind who gave you the key. 6. Graveyards are fine in the daytime. At night, you REALLY don’t want to be there. 7. If all else fails, RUN! TOP SPEED! Monsters are always slow-moving. Don’t bother trying to start the car. It will always keep cranking futilely until the monster gets there.
8. The bad guy that died early in the movie is still killing victims and will reappear.
9. Don’t sneak away from a gathering looking for somewhere isolated and “private” to have secks – get a room with a lockable door.
10. Kick off high heels; the chances of spraining an ankle in a horror film are much, much higher than in real life.
11. Don’t reach into a drain, crawlspace, nook or burrow where you can’t see into it just to get the keys/purse/bracelet you dropped. RUN back to your car, break the window to get in, hotwire it, then when you are safely home ring the bank and tell them you’ve lost your key card. If he really loves you, he’ll be so glad that you’re home safe he’ll buy you another bracelet.
11. Don’t read aloud from old books, especially if you’re drunk.
12. Don’t be rude to, assault or cheat harmless-looking elderly people.
13. Don’t invite anyone into your house until you know who the hell they are.
14. Don’t invite anyone into your house even if you know exactly who they are, or used to be until those pods started appearing.
15. Upset stomach progressing into abdominal pain and means that an alien is about to pop out.
In Europe, it’s sold as Rapeseed Oil or Colza — but it’s the same thing.
It’s gorgeous when it’s blooming in the spring – fields blanketed with sunny yellow flowers. But stupidly, there are net censors that filter out THAT word, so Colza or canola have to be used.
Idgits.
The leaves are sauteed something like spinach, usually in olive oil with a little garlic. Tasty.
I’ve seen recipes that use it, but it isn’t always practical to get here. It’s got another name too, because advertising rape in a grocery store’s weekly flier isn’t likely to draw in much business. Anybody know what that other name is?
Everything’s better when it’s marinated.
I wasn’t always better when I got marinated!
Rape is another name for angler or monk fish. This, not the rape seed, is probably what is marinated.
We do see r@pe popping up on Engrish menus fairly often, suggesting that something other than that seed is being translated into “r@pe.”
There is also a fish called rape (rah-pey) in Spain.
In France, râpé also means grated. As the vegetable celeri râpé. I thought it was grated celeriac, but it seems that celeriac is céleri-rave. There’s something to get excited about, then!
A celery rave? I remember raves and celery was rarely involved. At least, not as a vegetable.
I did my most intense partying before there were things identified as “raves,” but back then we often aimed for becoming vegetables ourselves.
In this economy, be thankful anything is on sale…
Not a bad price per pound!
Steven T.
It’s cheap here!
LOL Was that in LA?? Korean Galleria LOL
WELL I TAKE TWO OKAY?
In my language a rape is a radish.