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Cheezburger Network Blog
But not too tight that the Poo Story doesn’t work…
Maybe Botox rather than actual surgery? Which would be pronounced “bot-tox”, presumably. Or possibly But-tox.
If Botox worked on buttocks, I’m fairly sure they would have a version specifically aimed at such usage, called something like ButtOx. But since Botox smooths skin by RELAXING muscles, my guess is that after a couple of injections you’d need a new foundation garment, a Buttox Bra.
The most painful of surgical procedures.
But then it’s like you have a whole new range of acoustic flatulation that you prolly haven’t experienced since your were 6.
personally, I can fart in 3 part harmony. but that’s another story.
If they’re wet farts, then obviously that, too, is a Poo Story.
OK, give us a chorus of “Blue Moon”.
Or possibly “I See A Bad Moon Rising”.
*LMAO* @ saywhat
Unless you are staring in “Br0ke.B@ck Freighters.”
win.
If you’re in Br0ke Back Freighters, it’s not polite to stare! Just move along. You’ll find some action of your own soon enough.
It is better to be staring than starring.
There’s a bit more money to be had by starring.
It is not just the money.
I’ve heard that there are some who love their profession!
There are those who professionally act as if they love and lust.
And then there are some who act as a way of life, with no charge, although the people around them may pay dearly, in one way or another.
Titan belongs to Saturn, but Uranus does have a Titania.
i think its a direct command, “tighten your anus!”
So, what do you do when you see a sign that says “WET PAINT”?
Well, I do my best to comply, but since obviously I can’t be hauling out my johnson in public, I wet pants. Fortunately, I have Magic Man Pants!
HAAALLLLPP!!!! I’m being possessed by the ghost of Billy Mays!!
I hear and smell Billy Ghosts.
I see them. On TV.
Obey the sign – make a civilised urinating.
It would be more awesome if they misspelled it and it became “Titania Uranus” :p
Apart from the fact that wouldn’t be a misspelling, and neither would it be the least bit funny, you’re totally right!
I do contain a small piece of titanium, but it’s nowhere near Myanus!
I have one in my arm. It came with ten screws, but my wife refused to let me cash in on the offer.
LOL! Looks like you’re screwed, either way!
“I’m glad it’s out now – for all the angst it’s caused, it really doesn’t actually look that big”.
Did handle say this to:
a) her supervisor, discussing her thesis
b) her dentist, discussing her worst-impacted wisdom tooth
c) her orthopaedic surgeon, discussing her knee hardware
d) a young man, discussing his hardware
First correct entry wins some extra internets!
B?
I detect a crafty creator of multiple-choice mayhem. E, all of the above!
We has a winner already! Well done, Brother John – here, you win this bag of extra internets! (Don’t use them all at once.)
Thank you, thank you! I find my laptop can’t handle more than four or five at once.
Is that what Preparation H does to you?
Mine is already plenty puckered, thank you!
John- so you’re a politician??? Or maybe related to my Aunt Dorothy (who could make diamonds – oh never mind…).
Well, you know us clergymen. I mean us psychologists. I mean us clergyman/psychologists. Well, come to think of it, you probably don’t know any of us… Come to think of it, neither do I! Except me. But then, who am I, really? Oh, great, I was already puckered enough, and now I’ve got an identity crisis!
I’M NOT PUCKERED, I’M JUST CHINESE!!!
or constipated, LOL!
Wonder what are the names of the rest of the fleet.
Did you know that all the sailors gave the captain a tug for his birthday?
But the, of course, they were all drinking at the time. It is well known that the captain runs a tight ship.
I believe I saw the Herculean Yerbunghole the other day…..
Ye gods, I hope you reported that to the police.
I think I’d have called MUFON.
Erm… Uranus was father of the titans. This isn’t an engrish fail, it’s a mythology fail.
Gawd I’m such a nerd.
Aww come on, regress. Of course that who that is, but it’s still a good, cheap laugh.
“Uranus was the father of the titans”…
well, sometimes we all leave big ones. ok?
And who are you, to speak for Uranus? Are you the ambassador or something?
Not engrish at all !
This IS Engrish because any native speaker would have recognized the homonymic potential of this title and would not have used it.
Correct, because if it were anything but Engrish, they would have called it Neptune’s Uranus!
Careful with that trident, Eugene!
Pink Floyd reference WIN!
don’t wanna see what’s on the Dark Side of that Moon…
Then The Force, with you stay, Luke Cobrasnakenecktie.
THAT’S NO MOON!
WELL, THEN I’M NOT YODA!
HAVE YOU GONE CHINESE AGAIN?
YES, I HAVE!!! THANKS TO ASIAN-I-B!!! THIS FABULOUS PRODUCT, WHICH USED TO SELL FOR ONLY $19.95, IS NOW AVAILABLE… [Can somebody please call an exorcist?]
Loosen Uranus
WIN, jennifer!!!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha escuze meh? whats u mean by loosen ur anus
After all, discharge of excrement is so refreshing.
Do you really want to know what’s loose in Uranus?
Lucerne Uranus? I don’t know whether to recommend a proctologist or a horticulturist.
If your mouth is looser’n your anus, I’d suggest an otolaryngologist, or perhaps a speech therapist.
One way or the other, spread it on the garden, it will be wonderful for the tomato plants.
Methinks there’s a Photoshopper afoot!
It’s not an Engrish fail or a mythology fail, it’s just a FAIL.
Because of the pixels? Don’t you think that maybe it’s a low-quality image?
Oh, come on, there’s no such thing as pixels! Or fairels or gnomels or leprechauls.
It’s OK, Virginial. There’s still a Santal Clausel.
But there is no Sanity Clause. *Flicks cigar*
It is not a photoshop job, I used to ship soybeans off to Hong Kong on this ship (and its sister, Titan Ursela, and a ton of other ships as well)
Stardate 2731…Capt. James T. Kirk commanding USS Enterprise…Circling Titan Uranus in search of Klingons…
Reg Name: TITAN URANUS Off No: HK-1325 Call Sign: VRAA9 Imo No: 9000895 Survey Ship Type: OIL TANKER Gross Ton SUM: 137746 Reg Net Ton SUM: 73993
As someone else said, it’s not “a titan uranus,” it’s the subject line of email spam “Tighten Uranus!! Here’s how!!”
Yeah, it’s a blatant butt plug.
And that was a blatant dreadful pun. Off to Dreadful Pun Hell you go. *clonk*
I find I can get behind this pun! I tried, but I couldn’t top it. Nothing dreadful about it. Methinks it was ROFLing. I vote you go to Clever Pun Heaven!
Thanks, Master Yoda!
Oh, and in this case, I recommend NOT using force!
Inside you, the Force, you feel.
Pain in the @ss, sometimes. is Force.
No mortal man can resist the power of Uranus… especially when you Titan it.
Whatever floats your boat.
LOL again! Whatever mood you get into to get on a roll like this, go there often, please!
Meh, I wish I could. I must be in Soviet Russia, because mood controls me.
I have occasionally been known to remark that we all need to be in low spirits sometimes, so we have a reference for where “high” is.
We all have ups and downs. The lifetime incidence of clinical depression is roughly 33%, so a good proportion of us know the feeling quite well. I’m just actually coming out from a period of depression, my third in this lifetime, though the first one was the worst by far. And that time I got no help, except from what you can get out of a bottle of 80-proof, which I definitely do NOT recommend as a treatment for depression. (Depressed drunk people do all kinds of awful things! Believe me, I know.) This time I decided to handle it rationally for a change, and with a little counseling and a little medication I’m feeling much more on track. I’ve had a few good hits from life lately, which is how most of us get there. Life can be tough.
I’m certainly not complaining about my ups & downs. From some of the things that you and others mention here, I feel I got it pretty easy. I have no addictions worth mentioning, although I’m not sure that’s totally a good thing, since some “addicts” seem to have very interesting lives! Drugs never seemed to have a good effect on me. One experience of morphine (in hospital) was enough to make me ask for something different next time! Apparently I got nasty on the morphine (not uncommon, I hear). I only remember a few weird hallucinations, none of them pleasant.
*checks time stamps* Are you missing sleep? I suppose you must know a lot about the problem and its causes, but I find that sometimes the simplest solutions get overlooked. The thing most likely to cause me insomnia is when my mind won’t slow down. The best solution so far seems to be 2 or 3 drops of lavender oil near my nose in bed. Very relaxing, most of the time.
Oh, addiction does make life interesting, but I wouldn’t recommend it. The fact is that despite all the treatment and self-help groups available today, the majority of people with addiction still die of, or at least, in the active phase of, the disease. But depression can be a very serious problem all by itself, and even mild cases can interfere with productivity. But insomnia is not, and never has been, a problem with me. In fact, I fall asleep ridiculously easy, including during boring meetings. I happened to be up late last night because I fell asleep after dinner and slept four hours, which I didn’t need to add much to. So I stayed up and did some things before grabbing another couple of hours. Since I have been practicing meditation for the last 40 years, I have little difficulty quieting my mind in most situations.
But you’re right, one of the first thing I do with depressed patients is to inquire about sleep, appetite, and sex drive. The loss of sleep, and/or excess sleep, contribute a lot to the biochemical changes that occur in depression.
Wait, didn’t they post the cream for this a while back?
Yes, but that cream you had to swallow. I guess it has yet another health benefit!
That poor planet, it doesn’t matter how you pronounce it: “your-anus” or “urine-ous”, both versions are inevitably going to appeal to The Puerile 10-Year-Old Within.
Nice Isaac Azimov reference!
Good catch, but Dreadful Spelling Sprite must ding you for mispelling the late, great Dr. Asimov’s name. *ding*
”Thats what she said”
Photoshop Fail
Just look at the background around the letters…
It is a real ship, I used to have to deal with it at a former job of mine.
This isn’t funny to people who know how to pronounce Uranus.
It’s funny to those who can’t get their tongues around it.
Most people wouldn’t want their tongues anywhere near Uranus. Especially when you Titan it.
Different strokes for different folks, but when my tongue has been in the region of that planet I really appreciate Titan-ing!
As and admirer of astrology, I’m getting tired of these Uranus jokes.
GROW UP!
And besides, this isn’t engrish. It is the name of a ship, and obviously derived from the names of two astrological entities, the planet Uranus, and Jupiter’s moon, Titan. Curious fact, Titan may be able to support life.
And no, it’s not photoshop. It’s just really crappy compression on the jpg.
I’d also like to correct a mistake on my part. It’s Saturn’s moon, not Jupiter’s. My mistake.
Had you read the comments above, you wouldn’t have made the mistake. And if you’d read my comments above, you would have also seen the Engrish issue addressed twice. And while I am not much into astrology, I am a big fan of astronomy. But so was Isaac Asimov, and as was also noted above, he expressed that no matter how you pronounce it, it will still appeal to the puerile 10-year-old within. And if you do not have a puerile 10-year-old within, there will be a lot on this site that will annoy you!
…and in command, Captain Dixie Normous.
LOLWIN!
The first mate is Hugh Jarse.
The engineer is still below. There is nothing more embarrassing than losing a flashlight inspecting work on Titan Uranus.
Gives new meaning to the phrase, “going down.”
Nearer oh-my-god to thee, nearer to thee…
Or perhaps, nearer my COD to thee!
Not Hugh Jorgan?
They seem to get along so well.
The engineer is Lou Scruise.
Sister ship:
“Klenture Buttox”
[ ] Funny
[ ] Engrish
[ ] Mature
[x] None of the above
*deep sigh* It’s someone else’s turn…
If you do not like what’s here, go and start your own website, where you can offer discerning not-quite-right English for those poor souls who lack The Puerile 10-Year-Old within. Go on, it’ll be a public service, a charity even. ministering to the humourally differently abled.
Thank you, Dr Handle! And you were helpful in identifying a group I most definitely do not want to minister to!
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Doctor is IN !
Perhaps leeches, bloodletting, vomiting, or burning would get the humours back in balance…
Perhaps an aggressive course of all four would bring about a rapid improvement.
You cannot grasp the form of Titan Uranus’s attack
I think I saw a similar warning sign for tourists visiting California.
But if you do that, they’ll surely know you’re a tourist!
I thought of this at a trash & treasure market today, where a smiling gentleman of middle eastern descent who was selling wonderful hazelnut chokkies also gave me some samples to try – two arabic-labelled chocolate bars called “Larva” and “Uranus”. I’m afraid to open either of them, let alone taste them…
Good for you! I’m sure the combination would have resulted in extreme discomfort!
Hur hur he saud Urnanus.
Was he Saudi?
…. who dispenses coffee from his rear?
Well, the Saudis are famous for their black liquid.
Can that be done from the poop deck?
Not a bad start for a n00b. Stick around a while.
Gracias, Senor!
Who you callin’ a Senior? I happen to be just 18! So what if I’m working on my fourth one? It’s like golf. I’m still early in my fourth round.
AAAAARGH! Dreadful Pun Hell fairy sees what you did there! Off to Dreadful Pun Hell you go. Go on, there are plenty of others around here who can show you the way. (And the location of the revolving door too, I’m sure…)
only if I get to sit on a stump of shame, be flirted with, and be fed whiskey in the process…..:)
I can’t make any promises, but I can tell you that you will have lots of company – Droll should be headed that way now.
Brilliant! Party’s on!!!
I’m always either there, or on my way back as well. As I told DPF myself, a day without a *clonk* is like a day without a *clonk*.
Yes. I agree! It is a proud perch upon which we sit!
When we’re not fring. (Search the archives for “Fring Bird” if that doesn’t make any sense.)
You poop in the head. Anyone trying that on the poop deck can’t find their aft with both hands.
Taking a big wave in the stern is called being pooped.
So that’s what causes it! I thought I was just getting old.
Is that what sailors call it? I must ask my Da about it, although he’s always been most reluctant to discuss That Sort Of Thing with his daughter (first rule about Pooped Club – you don’t talk about Pooped Club).
My father worked on top-secret and even more-tha-top secret missiles. He couldn’t talk much about his work. It wasn’t until a few years ago that we even talked about D-Day (he was there, in the Navy). Men of that era generally didn’t talk much.
Leaving the rest of us to find their left behind.
Dangerous, is it, to change name, middle of night in. Forget your are, who.
*rubs eyes groggily, 2:45 AM CDT* Where have I been? (yawn) Well, I guess I’ll go to bed. I have two hours to sleep before getting up for work…
Your IP address indicates you forgot you were in China. Stop shouting and get some sleep.
I’m glad you did. It made my earlier reply work better.
Ah! I am taken down boldy!!!
nooooo if you Titan Uranus on the poop deck it aint no poop deck… the poop deck is where you Loosen Uranus
I’ve seen that boat float in the harbour.
Nosrsly.
PHOTOSHOP!
Its not photoshop! I used to ship soybeans on this darned thing and its sister-ship Titan Ursela (and a ton of other ships)
We would always giggle when we had a shipment on it!
Well, who doesn’t giggle when they’re shipping soybeans?
Hey John.
Did you know the captain of this ship is a lady? When you titanuranus you also titan next door. Ha, guess you did not know that!
HAAHHAHAHHAAAHHH “Hong Kong” you guys crack me up…
That’s funny, what did the two condoms say to each other outside the gay bar, “lets get sh_t faced” lol